Christmas Eve 2013

This is going to be a long story.  So get a drink and go to the bathroom if you need to.   Also, there is some sensitive information in this post that kids under 12 probably shouldn’t read.  You will see what I mean, but clear your kids out of the room. 

Christmas had always been a hard time of year for me-I missed my parents, and I missed Auntie Glenna and Uncle Dave who really were the glue of the family, and it wasn’t really until I had my own kids that the magic of the holidays came back to me.  I loved that the kids got wrapped up in the Santa story, and I do enjoy spending the time to find things that everyone will really appreciate as gifts.   But I just knew this Christmas was going to be different.   

A little back story.  About two years ago, Avery asked me about Santa, and demanded the truth.  After much deliberation, I decided to tell her the whole story.  It was awful.  She was crying, I was crying, but I assured her that now she was part of the club, and we still got to keep the magic alive for Jack.  Perfect.  She was totally on board.  However, this year, Jack asked me about Santa.  (Side note, there is a whole other story that goes along with this about the challenges of co-parenting your children with your ex-husband, who happens to be Jewish, btw…but that’s for another day) I had sworn after the debacle with Avery, that I would keep up the ruse until Jack was at least 45, but Jack is a different kid than Avery and his brain operates in a very different way, so I decided (again after much deliberation) that if he wanted the truth, that I would give it to him.   Well, it went badly again.  He was upset, Avery was upset all over again, and when trying to generate Christmas spirit in the house, there was a lot of “well, what does it matter anyway, Mom?  There is no Santa”.  If you are a parent, you might be able to understand how it rips your heart out when your kids are disappointed. 

So here I am, trying to be Christmassy, and Jack is having none of it.  And Avery is mad at Jack because she sees I am upset.  Vicious circle, life is sometimes…anyway, my bestest girlfriend Jennifer found this letter on Pinterest (it’s been on Facebook too) about how to tell your kids about Santa.  To remind them about what the spirit of the holiday is about, and how Santa can teach you to believe in things that you cannot see…well I decided that I was going to use that letter and try and bring us all back together in one big happy Christmassy circle.

So here we are on Christmas Eve.  I am sick as a dog, my sister is recovering from rotator cuff surgery, my other sister is in town trying to help, and the kids are off the wall because its Christmas Eve and they have present tunnel vision.  Something set Jack off.  I can’t even remember what, but he was being pretty ungrateful, and VERY un-Christmassy.  So I got the letter, called Avery into Jack’s room and asked Jack to read the letter aloud.  It was a beautiful moment.  It really was.  I saw the light go on in Jack’s head…and then…Avery, with her knack for the sarcastic, says “So now will you stop being a crabby pants jerk and enjoy Christmas?”  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO….I saw the whole thing go up in smoke in an instant, right before my very eyes.  Jack said something to the effect of “Avery, why do you have to ruin everything?” and ripped the letter in half.   Avery gasped.  I just stared at him with my mouth open.  Then I (smartly) just got up and walked out of the room.  No good was going to come of me trying to talk to him, or yell at him or cry in front of him.  So I walked away.  Right upstairs to my room.  And started to cry.  I could hear Avery sobbing in her room.  But I had to let everyone work this out themselves. 

About 10 minutes went by and they both came upstairs.  Both crying.  Jack apologized and handed me the letter which he had taped together with duct tape with moustaches on it.  We all had a group hug, and I have had to let it all go, but the times they are a changin’.  And I don’t love it.  I love who my kids are now, but it just seemed simpler when they were younger.  Now I am following them on Instagram, and Pinterest and following their friends to make sure nothing inappropriate is going on.  I am having conversations with them that I know for a fact my mom never had with me.  I love being their mom, more than anything, but it ran me over this year.

Whenever anything major like this happens, I let the excitement die down a little and then I try to review the event to see what I learned.  Here’s what I got out of it.

1.        Sometimes it is best to just walk away.

2.       I have really good, albeit, high strung kids (its genetic, they can’t help it)

3.       Its time for some changes of my own in 2014.  More on that later.